This post is long and rambling. I’ve only been thinking about this for a few weeks so it’s still kinda new and evolving…I hope is makes some sense.
I’ve been thinking lately about my life and what I want it to look like and what kind of person I want to be. I have good ideas about what’s important, what’s worth investing my time and energy in, but have realized lately my ideals and reality are two different things. I’ve caught myself living the lie that goes something like this…if I go out and buy an aerobics video, just by possessing it makes me physically fit. Just because you think something and desire something, dose not make it a reality.
For me this ”I think therefore I am” mentality covers topics such as watching less TV and investing that time into relationships, being more active and spending more time outside, eating more organic and whole foods, helping the poor, talking to my co-workers and neighbors about Jesus. Sometimes I think and read so much about doing them, I really think I’m doing them when I’m not.
This has lead me to wonder what makes a good Christian? When is enough Christian behavior enough and what constitutes good Christian behavior? When I look at my daily life, will people really know that I’m a follower of Jesus?
I’m not a bad person. I live a moral life, but is that enough? I try to read my Bible regularly, I pray a lot, I go to church, but does that make me a good christian? Do I need to be attempting to save souls everyday? Do I need to teach Sunday school? Do I need to be a missionary in foreign land?
I think I am not a good christian sometimes, because my beliefs don’t match my actions. If I really believed people were going to hell, wouldn’t I be trying to save them? If I really believed Jesus cares for the poor and mandates that we do too, wouldn’t I be involved in that some how? (On the flip side, there are many people who are doing the activities of the church that don’t know Jesus, so activities in and of themselves don’t make us good Christians.)
Look at believers in the Bible, they weren’t consumed with “ministry” type things (except for a few such as Paul). They were too busy living their lives – gathering food, making clothes, caring for children to be caught up in the question of “am I doing enough for God”. I think the Bible points toward inviting God into all your daily, mundane tasks. Where those people any less spiritual because they were busy just trying to feed and clothe their families? Do those principals change because our culture has changed? (this is a topic, American Christianity, may be a topic for another post).
These are my questions. I don’t have any answers really. The thing I keep coming back to is this: If I stay in relationship with Jesus, if I make it my goal to get to know him and really listen to what he’s telling me, make an effort to keep my heart open to him, he will tell me the when, the where and the how much.
I guess I lot of these thoughts come from hearing Christians judge each others behavior. Someone isn’t reading their Bible every day, someone else doesn’t have evangelism as their number one priority, etc. It makes me mad when Christians feel they have a right to judge my actions and behavior and put a value on it (i’m not talking of out right sinfulness here like stealing, adultery, gossip). Who gave them the right to say this is the standard of measurement, you better measure up. When I hear this, it’s hard to stay at the feet of Jesus and keep listening to him. This approach my seem subjective and kind of an easy way out, but I have to keep telling myself, if I’m honest with God and truly try to seek him things will be okay.
